dogs are better

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary…

8:00  am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite  thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite  thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00  pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary…

Day  983 of my captivity …

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates  and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations  perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of  escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the  carpet.  Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless  body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since  it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.  S—!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices  tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies’. I must learn what this means  and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost  successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around  his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of  the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are  flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously short of  his mental capacities.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now…